Made of Honor (2008)

Within the first few minutes of the horrifically bad Made of Honor, fans of eyes in film are treated to a scene of womanizer Tom Bailey (Patrick Dempsey) getting sprayed in face with perfume by Hannah (Michelle Monaghan). This episode happens after tipsy Tom inadvertently stumbles into the bed of his intended partner's roommate, Hannah. As ridiculous as this opening premise sounds, I actually know someone who had the same thing happen to them (minus the mace-ing)!

Toxic conjunctivitis occurs with airborne irritants or a direct splash of liquid or powder to the eye. Patrick Dempsey admirably portrays a victim of this condition, and also later demonstrates proper treatment with copious irrigation of both eyes, making good use of the Cornell dorm drinking fountain.

If you are simply looking for a cinematic depiction of toxic conjunctivitis, take a look at Will Ferrell in Semi-Pro (2008), or better yet, Jean-Claude Van Damme in the legendary Bloodsport (1988). Made of Honor fails miserably as a When Harry Met Sally wannabe, lacking the requisite chemistry or animated dialogue of a passable romantic comedy. Plus, doesn't the basic premise of all these infidelity-themed "romances" (My Best Friend's Wedding, Waitress, Bridges of Madison County) just start you off on the wrong foot? Made of Honor scores a wretched D from this reviewer.

Smart People (2008)

When pompous Carnegie Mellon literature professor Lawrence Wetherhold (Dennis Quaid) suffers head trauma, multiple medical follow-up exam scenes follow. These interspersed hospital scenes inexplicably depict an ongoing physician-patient relationship between the protagonist and his emergency room doc (Sarah Jessica Parker).

Equally baffling is a scene of a neurologist (Daivd Denman, who plays Pam's former fiance on NBC's The Office) using a slit lamp to perform an evaluation. While I applaud any screen-time that our tool of the trade gets, seeing a neurologist handling it made me kind of queasy.

Smart People features a quirkier-than-thou cast of misfits and the occasionally engaging dig at academia. I liked the sense of place and much of the acting. Ultimately, the forced eccentricity (Gilmore Girls, anyone?) doomed this movie for me. I give it a C + .

A couple of quick Ophthalmology in Film tidbits:

• Blindness, starring Julianne Moore, had its release date pushed back to next week, September 26th. I'm trying to finish up the novel of the same name by Nobel-laureate Jose Saramago before it opens, and the extra week will definitely help out. If the movie version contains even a quarter of the eye-related content of the book, this one may prove to be the Citizen Kane of ophthalmology movies.
• Derailed (2005), starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen, depicts a character with corneal scarring secondary to gunshot wounds. I kind of liked this thriller despite its cliched elements, but it really got panned on Rotten Tomatoes (20%). There are also some great shots of Chicago. I give this one a B .
  

Never Back Down (2008)

No attack is frowned upon more by mixed martial artists and ophthalmologists alike than eye gouging. This act of pressing on or tearing the eye, usually with the fingers, can cause extensive ocular and periorbital trauma.

Without giving too much away, Never Back Down, a sort of Karate Kid for the You Tube generation, depicts a rather realistic scene of eye gouging. There are also assorted instances of facial blows with subsequent eyelid swelling and superficial trauma.

Despite a ridiculously cliche script and ADHD-style directing, I found myself laughing right along with this movie. The training scenes and the brutality of street fighting were fairly well-rendered. Never Back Down gets a solid C + from this reviewer.

Up next: an actual eye exam performed in Smart People (2008), starring Ellen Page.